like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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