at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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