Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
