Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
