idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
