I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
