I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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