Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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