I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
