He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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