im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
