I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
