Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
