fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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