I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize