you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
