Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
