listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
