He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
bring money and cleavage
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
