I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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