you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
NoShamevember. You game?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
