Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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