Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
