he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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