just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
