I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
