If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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