how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
