Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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