you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
