you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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