We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
