just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
