i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
soo... how was my night?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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