I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
