**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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