Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
