your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
