he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm always down for nudity.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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