I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
