Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
