I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
