I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Randomize
