I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So vagazzling was a success
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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