Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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