...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
