That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
