all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
