He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
