sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
