One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
