Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
