Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
