chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
