we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
