oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Randomize
