your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We had sex on a dog bed..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
