take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
