I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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