she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My vagina is officially offended.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
