Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
