I wish I could punch you in the face.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
