Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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