do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
