ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
