I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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