I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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