I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
