Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
