Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
